I'm a...
I've got hundreds of thoughts swirling around in my head, none of which will come out. I miss writing, but I think my mind's in overdrive.
I'm listening to the latest of version of 'One' by U2 and Mary J. Blige. Just like Khalil Gibran's "The Prophet", this song takes on new meaning through every phase in my life.
"It's too late tonight, to drag the past out into the light..."
Too late for me to rehash my feelings and think of everything my ex meant to me only a year ago... All day, I've been thinking that it's his birthday today, yet I can't find it in me to send him an email. I've never been too proud, but I am this time around. A broken heart can breed a bitch.
If I can make it through the next hour of this day without breaking and sending him an email, I'll consider myself more of a bitch than I thought I was. And I don't think it's a bad thing.
posted by sky @ 11:02 PM
10 Comments:
It's probably wrong of me to make assumptions, as I don't know anything about the relationship you mention.
However, it's safe to assume that most men couldn't care less about whether they get birthday cards or not.
Sure, if you send him a birthday greeting he'd appreciate it. If you don't he probably won't notice either way.
I have an ex who I was crazy about, and we haven't spoken for almost 2 years now. We bump into each other atleast once a week - but we do not even acknowledge each others presence. I tried to in the beginning, no response; recently he's tried too - but pathetically- I'm still too hurt to respond.
Lately I've been meaning to text him/ write to him or say hi. Not spurred up the courage to though; feel i've lost enough of my dignity to this guy.
But then on the flip - it would be nice to be at least civil - I hate the bad energy.Perhaps I will before I leave, as I probably wont ever see him again anyway.
Ive learnt to follow my heart. yes its gotten me into situations at times, but it has also lead me to have no regrets. So coming to your case - again I dont know your situation - but if you feel like it, and you can handle the fact that he may not respond - just send him a short message. NOTHING SOPPY THOUGH :) you have nothing to loose.Basis how he responds - you'll know what to do next time you want to communicate with him.
Hope that made sense in some roundabout way!
Redstar, you may be right about not assuming. You also may be right about him not caring about receiving a birthday card.
But it's not how he feels that I care about, it's about how I am behaving. I'm usually the forgive and try to forget type, not so in this case.
Abha, I can imagine your situation is quite awkward. And I completely relate when you say "feel i've lost enough of my dignity to this guy."
If it's something you feel you need to do before you leave, then do it. As you said, no one needs bad energy.
I will not email my ex. You say I have nothing to lose, but my pride has taken on epic proportions in this case, and I don't want to lose it. He acted in a really immature way when we broke up, and on my birthday, all the effort he could muster was three little words "Happy Birthday xxx". If he was in front of me that day, I would have shoved my laptop up where the sun don't shine.
It's just that I had a moment today where I kinda felt bad for him, because he knows I'm great with dates and wouldn't forget his bday. He also knows, given the fact that I never replied to his half-assed birthday wish, that I am pissed off at him.
I'm not so much pissed off anymore...I think I'm becoming numb. And it's a strange feeling, which is what the post was really all about.
Sky, send him a bday card only when thinking of him won't hurt you anymore. Mend yourself first (and who knows how long it will take) and then you can consider befriending him.
BTW it took nearly 5 years and restraining order to get my cousine to move on. I supported her through it but I don't wish it on anyone. At least your ex lives far away (if I'm not mistaken).
Anyway - you first, then him. It has nothing to do with you being a bitch. A broken heart is a broken heart.
Shove the laptop where the sun don't shine...looool!
Anyway, I am glad you did not e-mail him. Like Chazoo said, mend yourself first. Once you KNOW that these birthday wishes can be sent with no strings attached, THEN you can send it.
Ditto dubai sunshine..........mend yourself first hon.
Nothing wrong with being a bitch when you need to be one.It's better than feeling you've been taken advantage of because you were way too nice.
If writing back a little 3-word bday wish like he did will not change anything, why bother.I'm glad you didn't.I'm sure you are a little more empowered by not sending an e-mail?
There is nothing like Khalil Gibran's "The prophet". Glad to find a fan.
Besides, you are not required to send him anything. There is a big fat X next to his name for a reason, mosh? 3ala kaifek habibti!
I'm healed of this guy (doesn't mean I'm healed of all of my past relationships).
As I mentionned before, this was more about realising that I can be quite cold, when I thought I was always the really emotional type.
I'm growing up!
And yes mar, I did feel somewhat empowered by not sending that email, but a bittersweet empowerement. As I said, I'm never too proud.
Fouad, good to have you back. I don't dare mention how your posts can blow my mind over on your blog for fear of you dissing me publicly again..:p
SS, have you met anyone who's not a fan of "The Prophet"? I've yet to meet one, as Gibran's words take on so many meanings and so much depth from person to person. I think everyone can relate to it some way or the other.
True.. I suppose I meant more: glad to meet someone who actually read the book. You'd be surprised at how few people know about him.
Post a Comment
<< Home