the game

Men...one little word, with so many implications.

Men can get me so high, and drop me to within an inch of my life the next moment. My flailing confidence has been shaken up one too many times by men, and each and every time I swear it will never happen again.

But people don't change. They learn, they become more guarded, but what's inherent will never go away. I fall easily and I get hurt, and like millions out there, I pick myself up and do it all over again.

I really do wish I could erase the bad stuff I've gone through with men and enjoy a new guy like I've never been hurt before; I'm so guarded and skeptical now, everyone around me sees it. I was never like this, I was so open and trusting with everyone, an extreme that also led me to trouble's way.

I just don't want to be at the other extreme. When a guy tells me that my insecurity is beautiful, I want to believe him with every insecure fibre of my body. I don't want to get ahead of myself and think of all the pain I may have to go through if this were to develop...but what relationship, long or short, but well-lived and fully explored, doesn't hurt?

It's all part of the game, and I am well aware of that. I just wonder whether I'm ready to get hurt again...in the game of men, women always end up hurt one way or the other. But it's fun, it's exciting, and I'm feeling the much sought-after butterflies...