breathe

My mood's gone from awful to better to worse today. I know I'm moody sometimes, but this has got to be some kind of a record.

I woke up at 7'45 (WAY too early for me), went straight into the shower, except there was not a single drop of water. That explained the yelling I heard from my dad just before I woke up. Turns out one of the water heaters was leaking through the night, and the guys who came to fix it messed everything up by somehow switching off all of the water supplies in the entire apartment. Problem is, they couldn't figure out how to switch them back on.

I so wanted to go back to sleep and ditch work for the morning, but when the water came back on I showered and got ready in record time and still managed to make it on time to my 9 am engagement.

Work this morning was shitty. I won't get into it, but I will just say that everytime I try to give my dumbass boss a chance and think he is a nice guy and that we can all just get along, he goes and messes it up. I'm nauseous at the thought of seeing him tomorrow.

The second part of my work day was a little better, and I thought my mood was picking up. But I got home feeling like I had been hit by a truck. I wanted to crawl under my covers forever, but forever only lasted 15 minutes, until I was woken up by a work phone call. UGH!

Now I just feel hollow. I'm not sure what it is. I was just talking to my friend and telling her how I've been thinking about my ex lately, which is strange, considering I haven't thought of him in ages, and when I did, it did nothing to me.

The past couple of days, thoughts of him have just been whizzing by in my head. And whenever they do, I get this empty feeling inside of me. Sometimes I wish I could speak to him, revisit the memories, relive our relationship, if only just for a few minutes.

Our year-long relationship feels like a huge gap in my life. I almost can't recall anything. His smell, his voice, his words, his touch. Nothing. Empty. Even a song that would tear me apart every time I heard it because it reminded me so much of a night we spent together as it played repeatedly in the background...it no longer moves me.

The first time I heard it while I was in his arms, I knew it would take me a long time to get that haunting melody out of my head. Funny enough, I also thought of how much it would hurt to hear it whenever we would break up.

So in honour of my lost and forgotten relationship, I give you...

Lifehouse - Breathing
It seems like it's the only thing left I have to salvage that relationship. And it's tearing me apart right now.