festive season after-thoughts

Merry Christmas everyone! I've been away from the words lately, both personally and professionally. Truth is, I'm feeling a little uninspired lately, for reasons I can't quite put my finger on.

I'm having one of those weeks where I'm a little down, a little lonely, a little tired...just generally uninspired. I've been working hard to keep things in perspective, but I guess feeling a little down is part of life, no matter that the world is in chaos.

Christmas with the family was nice and quiet, Santa was generous this year. On Christmas day I started feeling like I was coming down with a cold, and the thought of going back to work the next day was just wearing me out.

I haven't left Abu Dhabi since August, and I'm starting to feel constricted. I'm getting annoyed with people, losing my temper with strangers, and just not thrilled about work. I don't like to feel edgy like that, I tend to make dumb decisions when I'm in this state. I wish I could tell the real reason for feeling this way about work and this city, but I fear I may offend too many people out here. And believe me, I am not proud of my feelings on this one.

I've also just watched Bridget Jones' Diary for the millionth time tonight, and while it usually cheers me up, it kinda got me down today. There's a big wedding going on in town tonight, and the thought of love and marriage is on my mind.

I'm by no means actively searching for love, as the memory of my last relationship is still sour. I wouldn't have the energy to deal with anyone right now. But I can't help but thinking further ahead, and whether I will ever find my very own Mr. Darcy. I thought the last guy was different, and that even through our breakup, we'd still remain 'friends', but the way things ended get uglier in my mind with each passing day.

Why is it that you can have a good job, a roof over your head, a loving family and friends, have just gotten a killer pair of boots for Christmas, and still feel like crap? I know I'm not the only one feeling this way, but I really wonder how happy a person can ever be? I have a friend who's always said we need to sue Disney and other movie makers for making us believe in the "prince-charming-happily-ever-after" ideal for emotional damage. What is it that makes us believe we can have it all?? A job, family, friends, boots, a house, and a perfect man...That's a shitload to achieve. Some people in the world barely have a pair of flip-flops to walk around in, and here I am expecting the whole package to come together, just because I'm fed with "women who have it all" day after day.

Argh, fuck it...hopefully this phase I'm in will pass really quickly. I'm trying real hard to keep things in perspective, but the mind does wander...a little too often.

Maybe I'll put on my boots and show them off tomorrow, think it'll make me feel better? Ha! How superficial would that be?

Tell me, how do you guys snap out of such 'phases'?