Palestine

Palestine tears me apart. So much in fact, that I wish I didn't care to begin with.
My first reaction to Hamas' victory was one of disbelief. But after the initial gasp came discussions with family, friends, co-workers. And my feelings for Palestine were even further ripped apart. I thought I had a sound opinion on what was happening to my country, but I don't think I know anymore.

Hamas wins the election, and I see a big red flag. After all, they are the 'terrorists', responsible for the suicide bombings that I've always condemned. Their covered faces never failed to make an impression on me, and the image of the late Sheikh Ahmed Yassin in his wheelchair always sent a shiver down my spine. I guess I became part of the gullible public for a while; all I could see was their evil.

The suicide bombings carried out by various Palestinian groups always make me angry. But I've thought long and hard about the plight of the Palestinians, and how maybe many of us would be driven to such acts if pushed long and hard enough. For what seems to be an eternity, the Palestinians have been bullied, killed and humiliated by the Israelis; any sane person can rationalise and 'understand' why they want to go out there and kill the civilian enemy, and leave the mortal world behind.

The religious beliefs behind the suicide bombings infuriate me. Why is it that religion condemns suicide, yet opens up the gates of heaven to a suicide bomber? And what's more, when did Palestine become a Muslim country?

Many a time I participated in rallies and demonstrations in Montreal, whether for the war on Iraq, or for whatever the Palestinian/Israeli issue of the time was. Amongst other chants, the thousands of people gathered would always end up chanting: Palestine is Muslim, Jerusalem is for Muslims. I got so angry every time I heard those words. I thought the Palestinians, Muslim, Christian or atheist, were all united for the cause of their country. Who made it Muslim??

Hamas being in power worries me. Known for their extreme religious beliefs, what will then happen to the Christians of Palestine? Already a minority, seems like we're going to disappear forever if Hamas has its way.

Not to offend anyone, but religion is the source of all evil in Palestine. Jews, Muslims and Christians want to claim it as their own, but it seems we forget that once upon a time, they all cohabited. Why can't they do that now?

I fear Hamas' victory will only strengthen the Israeli right-wingers, and that Netenyahu -aptly dubbed the only man who can make Sharon look like a dove- will come back to power. It seems the timing of Sharon's illness and Hamas' victory is creating a bad momentum for things to just plunge back into disaster.

I never claim to know the Palestinian plight, to feel what the Palestinians of the war feel, or to be wise enough to come up with a solution. But more than ever, I feel torn apart. I once interviewed a Palestinian activist in Montreal, and she uttered words that have stuck with me over the years. "Jerusalem is a metaphor for peace."

I guess she was referring to the golden days of Jerusalem, but her words created a utopian image in my mind, one that only blurrs with the passing of time. I may be wrong, but I feel like we've never been further away from that metaphor.

Here's hoping I'm wrong.